Run, Harry, Run
by Trinity23Rose
Summary: Caitlin proves to Harrison that he never was, nor would ever be a burden to her / end season 4


Caitlin proves to Harrison that he never was, nor would ever be a burden to her / end season 4

* * *

Everything in his mind was blank, just a big and clean slate, yet one that he wasn't even aware of. In fact, he wasn't aware of anything those days when wandering around the halls of S.T.A.R. Labs on Earth One, admiring something here and there, finding himself pulled into a room he didn't even recognize or getting caught up in a thought that fled away as soon as he tried to recognize it. The world around him had about a thousand of colors, but he wouldn't be able to say what he saw even if he wanted to.

The moment they put this strange metal thing on his head, everything changed.

At first, he just felt stupid wearing it with everyone staring at him in anticipation even if he couldn't really name those strange emotions. Next, the pain appeared. He screamed, nearly not being able to take it, wanting this thing off so badly…

A pair of hands immediately clamped down on his own, holding it in its place, prolonging the torture and then…

Images – _memories_ started appearing in his head one by one. No, that was the wrong word, he nearly frowned, because they didn't just appear. They had always been there, forgotten as though he'd lost the key to unlock them or hadn't spoken the right language anymore to make head or toes of them.

He saw himself yelling at Snow out of all people that they couldn't do this, couldn't be together because he was losing his mind and didn't want to become a burden to her.

As he thought of it now, that was just about the last clear memory he had as though afterwards his mind deteriorated faster since he had nothing to live for anyway, nothing to fight for, having set her free because it was the right thing to do.

Only it wasn't. He saw that now.

Because what he now remembered was also everything else that followed - him not being coherent anymore, reduced to a silly simpleton and her always there by his side, either lending him a hand or holding him up or warning him to be careful. She was _always_ there and his heart nearly couldn't take this anymore. The worst – or maybe the best – he hadn't decided yet, was that while being there for him against his own wishes, she'd never even once looked at him in a different way. He wasn't a burden to her, he realized, overwhelmed by the love she had for him.

After effectively frying his brain, he was nothing but mad at himself, hating himself with every fiber of his being, but then he was just terrified for _her_. Because he knew his dire mistake would not only cost him his life, but it would also cost _hers_. She'd begun to open up to him when he'd stayed on Earth Two and they're gotten so close that they both knew it was only a matter of time before they would be together. Yet, he had to screw it all up and he couldn't stand the thought of what he'd done to her. He tried to push her away, afraid it would only get worse, that whatever love she began feeling for him, it would soon be reduced to pity; that she would finally see him for the old man he was to become faster than anyone would anticipate now. Because that was what happened once the mind lost its sharpness, right? It was only downhill after that. His body would deteriorate sooner than it should and she would be looking at an old man with grey hair who couldn't even understand the mechanism of a shower or a toilet.

This was never the future he wanted for her.

Yet, the memories assaulting him now told him that his fears were for nothing. She never cared for his age or looks and if so, she loved all of him and accepted it. He really should have given her more credit. Then again, all he'd done to push her away, he'd done out of love and he knew she understood that once remembering all those things she told him when they were alone and he wasn't even able to understand her at the time.

The blinding pain lessened, suddenly imbuing his mind with something strange. It felt like the exact opposite of the dark matter and he saw foreign symbols in his head. Symbols he soon began to understand as though some fog cleared and he recognized what they meant. _Nora shouldn't be here… I made a big, big mistake…_ And then he was struck when somehow those symbols pushed him more forward and he saw…

He gasped, the vision along with the pain stopping.

And something told him he would never be able to shake _that_ off.

The moment he opened his eyes and found her watching him, desperately looking for any sign of her Harry back… it was all too much. What he just saw and knew to be the future was too much.

In the end, despite it all, he did what he usually did best – ran away, using Jesse as a perfect excuse to why he couldn't spend one more minute on this earth anymore.

He was gone just like that, finally able to breathe once being alone in one of the Labs' long corridors, yet inside he knew that was a mistake. Still, it wasn't enough to make him turn around. Besides, even if he did, the entire team was there and it wouldn't be possible for him to only talk to…

"Harry!" He stopped dead in his tracks on hearing her calling his name. Of course she went after him! And he had no idea what to say to her. He wasn't even sure he could look her in the eye now. "Harry, what the hell?!" she asked, arriving right behind him and when he still refused to turn to her, she circled him, her hazel eyes seeming to be everywhere, providing no escape for him. "I thought… I mean… I…" It was clear that this was difficult for her and he was only making it so.

When he finally brought himself to glance at her, he nearly lost it. The look of confusion and hurt was killing him.

"I thought… I thought we had something there that was actually worth exploring," she eventually went with, waiting for his answer. Yet, he was still quiet. "Harry, do you…? I mean… Do you remember _everything_? I don't care if your PhDs are gone, I just care for…"

"Yes," he cut in, rendering her silent. "Yes, I do and… more."

"What do you mean more?"

"Snow, I… ah…" He only sighed, scratching his head, not even knowing how to begin breaching the subject.

"What is it? Because I don't think the need to see Jesse is so urgent that you need to absolutely leave right this moment. Can't this wait an hour or so? We would really like to celebrate with you. We got you back, Harry and we missed you. _I_ missed you. And if you still want to see your daughter so badly, maybe I could just come with you?"

"Snow, I… you don't… you don't understand."

"Then make me understand!" She got angry with him. " _Please_ ," she added then.

"I remember everything. Even how you took care of me after my mind was gone and I… I don't even… I don't even know how to feel about that."

She frowned.

"I never treated you like you were a burden, Harry," she told him, her voice growing weak. "I know you never wanted to be one and I respected that, but I couldn't stay away when you clearly needed someone."

"I know and it… it means the world to me now that you always saw _me_ , even when I was _gone_ ," he said, which only made her more confused.

"Then if this isn't the problem, why are you still leaving? Did I do something?"

"No, Snow… _Caitlin_ ," oh, he was getting personal and he couldn't help it with her. She was too dear to him to keep calling her by her last name, but then again, every single time he crossed that line and called her Caitlin, he only let himself _feel_ more. "I just saw something when you brought me back and I… I got… scared," he finally admitted. "Maybe it was stupid of me to run away like this, but I needed time to process that."

"What was it?" she asked, interested. "Was it something bad?"

"No. Quite the contrary, actually."

"Then I still don't follow."

"In about five hours Allen's daughter from the future, Nora, will drop by with a surprised visit, asking for his help. She's trapped here, in the past."

"Okaaay," Caitlin digested that information slowly, still not following why would it rattle Harry so much if he usually just didn't care. Oh, wait… "Is she going to change something? Is that why you want to leave? To avoid that change?"

"No. I couldn't care less for Allen's mess. What took me off balance was what I saw afterwards. I was so not prepared for it and I reacted purely on instinct when I ran," he admitted.

Caitlin made a step forward, so now only inches separated them. At this point, after actually getting Harry back, she couldn't possibly keep away from him anymore.

"I saw a life, Caitlin. _Our_ life, to be more precise."

"Oh?"

"We were…" he hesitated, scratching his head nervously again before correcting, " _will be_ happy. We'll actually… well, we'll have _kids_." At that her eyes finally opened widely as she couldn't seem to believe it herself. "Can you imagine? In my age? More kids? But apparently, that's what's in the cards for us."

"So why are you running away from me? Don't you want this?"

"Actually, I want _everything_ with you. I'm just… scared, I guess," he confessed. "Scared of getting burnt again, or losing you, of losing my family _again_. I won't survive that if it happens."

"I get that, I do, Harry, but… what kind of a life would it be if we were afraid of everything all the time? If we didn't take a chance just because something might not work out?"

"Well, you might actually have a point there," he admitted.

"Why don't we just take it one thing at a time? Let's go see Jesse and then we'll see what's gonna be next." She closed the distance between them just then and pressed herself into him, embracing him tightly, finally relaxing against his body. "I missed you so much. I thought you didn't… that you didn't want me anymore after your mind was restored."

"I'll _always_ want you, Caitlin," he assured her, whispering that into her ear as he buried his face in her hair. "I love you," he finally confessed.

In that very moment he realized how stupid it was of him to run away. He was ready. He'd been for weeks now. After Jesse's visit he'd been ready to move on and there was only one person he wanted to do that with. Of course his own stupidity and hubris brought a temporal end to this and he hated himself for it, but right now, as he'd gotten a second chance, he knew there was no way he would ever waste it. Caitlin Snow was his future and now he even had proof.

His lips found hers on their own and after the sweet and full of promise kiss they shared, he took her hand into his and they walked together towards the breach room, deciding Barry and Iris could for once deal with their own mess, even if technically it was their daughter's, and they were off to see Jesse.

And then, they would see.


End file.
